Survival

It's not that i don't handle trauma well.. because I don't handle traumas at all. 

When things happen, I've learned to pretend like it didn't. I'm not much of an endurer so to avoid the pain & various actions & emotions... everything associated with the trauma gets placed somewhere I'm not aware of. That's my survival. 

People think I'm strong. I'm not. I'm a coward.

I have detached myself from the sadness & love & bitter trauma of heartache. 

I kinda feel nothing. 

I have convinced myself that I feel nothing. 

This profound love that has dominated my life for so long, suddenly never existed. 

The only evidence of a once relationship is in a large box in my closet. taped shut. 

I talked with the x today & felt like I was a completely different person. My happy, confident/numb self was ignoring my heartbroken self. Being numb is better than dwelling & being utterly miserable. So this is my solution to moving on. This is my survival.

oh me & my empty heart.